Just Fucking Do It.
Last night I did the most craziest thing I have ever done. And I majored in crazy.
I won't string you the typical "I knew I wanted to do this forever" story, but I have always known I wanted to be a part of something that gave people the space to escape everyday life, and just laugh.
Hence, Coil and Curve.
For the past couple of years I have had this fantasy of being on stage and making people laugh with my stories. I think my mom is tired of being the audience-of-one at this point.
It was never something I actually thought I would do. I would reason with myself that reasonable people do not think that they're the next great comedian.
Reasonable people have reasonable dreams.
When I was in college I went to a stand-up show presented by a comedy club. Even though I loved my concentration of study, and eventually graduated with that degree, I immediately wanted to drop it and study the art of comedy. My college definitely didn't have that major.
But try explaining that to your dad who already looked at you like a disappointment for studying fashion. He would have had a stroke if I said I wanted to drop out and take improv classes.
Fast track through graduating, interning, and moving to California :
You would have thought, great, this is the perfect platform to finally see if this is something I want to pursue.
I was automatically intimidated by Hollywood. And not Hollywood in the physical place, but Hollywood the mentality. Go for broke.
I was afraid of being that person who ended up quitting her job to chase a dream that was ultimately not for me.
If you live in, or outside of L.A. you know at least one person who struggles to feed themselves all because someone told them a while back they can be a "hand model" for QVC.
Sallie Mae was not going to let me chase my dreams. I had to get a job. A stable job.
Even with getting a stable job, and writing on the side I still had that urge to at least see if there was something there. When I first met my group of friends here, and told them this was something I was really interested in doing they were all encouraging. Just knowing that I had people who believed in me was a great push.
Unlike family, they weren't obligated to support my dream. You hear that dad?
So last night I put my life on the line. I geared up for war.
For anybody who is doing something for the first time, it feels that way.
But the three minute allocated time that I was given to stand in front of people that I didn't know, at a club I had never been to, tell jokes I had never told anyone, with no friends in the audience (I needed to do this alone)....was the best three minutes of my life.
I got as high as the best California herb could provide to me.
Going in I was adamant that I wasn't going to be anybody else but me. However, I was worried that "me" wouldn't be enough, and that I would't be able to connect with people.
I was wrong in assuming the reactions of the crowd, and doubting my potential.
It was a small club. And I was the only black woman in the building. Automatic alarm.
Hysteria started to creep up, but I did what every Black woman in America does. I rushed to the bathroom right before I was to go on stage, looked in the mirror, and told myself, "I am Beyoncè"
And Sasha Fierce I became.
They clapped for me, the energy was fantastic, and they fucking laughed.
I'm so grateful they laughed.
The minutes went by fast, and when I floated off the stage you couldn't tell me that I was not only Beyoncè, but also Issa Rae.
On the way home at one in the morning my adrenaline was so high that I had to reason with myself on how I couldn't just call Issa up and request a sit down.
In my head she's my homegirl. In real life I'm sure she would call the police on me.
If you are reading this and there is something that you want to do.
Start a non-profit. Do it.
Become a song writer. Do it.
Run for your local political offices. Do it.
Just fucking do it.
Cliche moment : You never know unless you try.
I've tried. And I'm already signed up for the next one.
Y'all better watch out. I just might become Beyoncè.