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Never Fight For A Man

Never Fight For A Man

Dearest Mohria, 

I met a guy at the club whom I connected with and felt instant spark and chemistry. I’ve never felt like that before with anyone in my life and everything about that night was magical. We're just so alike and have so much in common. 

Everything started out great, we would talk every day and hang out but then suddenly he would disappear (for weeks at a time where he doesn't text me and answer calls) and then reappear in my life again. It hurts me every single time that he would disappear and reappear but I can’t seem to let him go. I confronted him one day in which he told me he doesn’t think we can ever be anything more than friends but says he can't not have me in his life. He holds me and kisses me like we're a couple madly in love. So, i agreed and said we can be friends.

He's back again this time and we hung out last week as "friends" but ended up hooking up. My emotions are all over the place and I can’t seem to cut ties with him.

I feel so conflicted, hurt, numb. What should I do?

Sincerely Yours,

Numb


Dearest Numb, 

Have you ever signed a contract before? In a nutshell a contract is an agreement between two or more parties that enforces a rule, or sets of rules. 

Were you aware that you were in a verbal contract with Mr.-Disappear-On-Your-Ass? 

He laid out the terms for you when he told you that he did not think he could be more than friends with you.

And you want to know when you signed the contract?

When you laid down with him.  


There is a communication break between men and women. It is not a secret. You do not have to go through an entire season of Friends, or for my ratchet readers Love and Hip Hop to realize that. 

Our coding is different. Our language is different. Our reactions are different. 

That does not make one sex superior over the other. It just makes for situations like yours to go further than need be. 

Men are fixed. Not like that, though there are some out there who need their balls cut off. With a sword.

 Men are fixed beings. They are factual to the point of it being out right annoying.

They look up at the sky and see that it is blue, and that's it. The damn sky is blue.  

Women? We are operational. Our minds are constantly moving. Where we understand that circumstances are factual we just add other things to make it work in our head.

We have a  constant spinning wheel that sprouts of verbs, nouns, and adjectives for whatever is thrown our way. 

The sky is blue. They sky is blue because it was raining for twelve days straight, the birds had to take cover, grocery stores were out of milk, I had to eat my cereal with water. The sun is out which makes it a great time to be at the park. He better take me to the park. Why is he not taking me to the damn park?

Before feminist across the world come and burn me at the stake I would like to throw out a disclaimer that not all men and women in the world are like this. Just 99.9% of the human race. 

Your friend let you know from the start that he did not want to be more than friends. It does not matter that he kisses you. It does not matter that he holds your hand.

It does not matter that when he slides it in you see rainbows and unicorns. 

This man does not want to be with you.

Really? How do I know?

Well, first his ass told you. When a man tells you what he wants from you, you should believe him.

Second, he nonverbally communicated with you that he does not want to be with you.

He doesn't call back. He doesn't text back. He disappears.

Again on repeat: when a man tells you how he feels whether verbally or nonverbally you should believe him. 


It is not his fault that your emotions are all over the place. 

Where I do not agree with how he is playing the game, you nonetheless agreed to the rules when you slept with him.

Pussy is pussy. That was really vulgar. And I know my mama is reading this. 

He is not coming in and our of your life because y'all have great conversation. 

He is not running back to you because he wants to know your insight on the upcoming election. 

The only thing you have in common with him is knowing how to orgasm. That is what he is coming back for. 

The deep connection that you have with him is as deep as Donald Trump's intellectual mindset. 

It ain't that deep.

You need to  jump off of this pony that isn't going anywhere, and get you a life.

Much like John Kasich in the polls right now. 


I have an aunt by the name of Angie who only has one piece of dating advice. 

Never fight for a man. 

I could have been twelve going through my first little break up and she would yell at me to never fight for a man. 

I could have been twenty-three and going through my first major heartbreak and she would yell at me to never fight for a man. 

Maybe it is the country in me that just expects every family to have an Aunt Angie, but I am slowly learning that is not the case. 

Unfortunately Auntie Angie can not up and leave her job, fly to wherever you are, put her hand on her hip, roll her neck, and tell you that you should never fight for a man. She ain't got time for that.


You know what you should fight for?

The wage gap. 

The 65 million girls in the world who are not in school. 

The women who continuously get played on Love and Hip-Hop.

The fact that woman are okay with being played and degraded for reality television. 

But what you shouldn't fight for is a man. 


My last piece of advice for you would to go and get you a B.O.B.

Battery-Operated-Boyfriend.

He never disappears, and he won't hog the sheets. 

Plus, he will be a great place-holder while you look for a man who is worthy of your time. 

Always, 

Mohria 


When It Rains...

When It Rains...

Mixed Madness

Mixed Madness