A Curvy Girl's Guide to Dating: Sex and The Curvy Girl
Queue the Salt-N-Pepa instrumental...
Let's talk about sex...
Unless you are my mama.
While my mother has read Fifty Shades Of Grey, and obviously had to have sex to have my brother (for me it was immaculate) I would rather she not read this and want to discuss talking points. She's like that.
I'm from the South, Georgia specifically where sex and Yankees are discussed behind closed doors.
And never bring up the Gays....
Nonetheless my life has never played by the rules the Mason-Dixon Line put on me: my mama is white, my granddaddy was gay, and I enjoy talking about sex.
A Curvy Girl's Guide to Dating is a three part series that dives into the dating dynamics curvy women encounter while on their quest for a forever love.
If you are new to this please take a moment out to read the first part; Expectations.
If you're waiting on me to get to the good stuff....
The. Wait. Is. Over.
My Prefaces :
1. This is not a how-to on finding a soulmate. I haven’t found mine, and I’m sorta just praying he’s not a pornstar. Even though I have seen porn I would rather not have my mister's bare ass all on your screen while you stroke the goat. However, can we all just for a moment admit that we have watched porn at least once? Whether you watch it to pleasure yourself, or you're just curious it really is okay to be honest in your voyeuristic ways. Especially when you have a favorite genre, clip, or pornstar.
2. This is not a how-to on how to actually have sex. If you do not know how to have sex I am assuming you are way below the legal age of consent. So get your young ass off this post, and go talk to Jesus.
If you haven't quite indulged in the carnal activities of our ancestors the only disclaimer I have for you is to read this alone, and if you have questions feel free to email me. Or maybe Jesus.
3 . Amendment to #2....18 years old or older ONLY. That is the age of consent.
Confidence is key.
You can not do the following without a secure ground of confidence:
1. Find hot guy at a bar.
2. Allow hot guy to buy you a drink at said bar. Tequila, anyone?
3. Bring hot guy home.
4. Get completely naked in front of hot guy. With the lights on.
5. Have amazing sex.
6. Orgasm. Again, and again.
While I am a huge fan of sex in a committed relationship, I am also a huge fan of women being able to sexually express themselves however they want.
In order to express yourself in the bedroom, backseat of his pickup, or the top deck of a parking garage (you have to do this at least once) having confidence is the most important thing you can bring to any sexual relationship.
However having stellar confidence is easier said than done.
You could be having a Beyoncé moment and be feeling yourself, but once the clothes come off your confidence comes crashing down like the stock market in 1929.
The key to maintaining confidence in my book is following one rule.
Look at yourself in the mirror naked daily.
It might feel silly but after a couple of days of looking at your plump body in the mirror it won’t look like a foreign blob of flaws.
In order to feel comfortable in your naked skin with someone you have to be comfortable by yourself. If you want to say some positive phrases while you glare lovingly at your body go for it also. Eat.Love.Pray.
See how soft your breast are, travel down to your hips, and get comfortable with your soft stomach. Once you feel the lushness of your body it will be hard to tear it down verbally.
On your journey of awareness you'll find all the places you want your partner to explore.
It might even be more expelling if you allow your partner into your mirror time. Let them in on your journey. Get to see how they look at you. You might learn about what the find beautiful about you physically.
After the exercise try out the bathroom counter. I promise you'll enjoy it.
Know exactly what you want, and when you want it.
While technically the point of sex is reproduction, humans are a species who participate in sexual relationships for pleasure as well. And some women are skipping over the pleasure part.
Nothing irritates me more than a woman who doesn't know herself sexually. And I don't mean her physical preferences.
I mean a woman who doesn't know her favorite position, if she likes to be spanked, or the best method for her body to reach orgasm.
And let's not even discuss women who will not touch their own vagina. I don't trust anyone who say's they don't masturbate.
According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. The scariest thing I have ever read.
While I am not a doctor I can come up with two observations to this:
1. Some women are too afraid to speak up, and they'd rather have bad sex with a stingy partner.
2. Some women don't know they have a clitoris......or a G-spot.
For the thirty percent of women who have not found euphoria please go out and explore what pleases you.
If you don't explore, and please be safe while exploring, you'll end up in a basic-ass marriage with a man who can't keep it up, and never lets you orgasm before him.
I believe that is worse than going to a job everyday that you hate.
I have to keep this short and sweet. Cause I know my mama is reading this.
If you haven't noticed I haven't really gave out advice to curvy women specifically in regards to sex.
You want to know why?
Because all women have vaginas. Vaginas that want to be pleased.
I might have a little bit more ass to grab (or spank), however I still want to be pleasured like my skinny counterparts.
All women will have confidence issues in the bedroom.
All women think they look like naked mole-rats.
All women want to feel sexy.
Be safe out there.
And remember that Plan B always has coupons.